Journey To Getting Hitched (Part I)

I remember very clearly telling my mom that I don't want to get married before 27 and/or before getting my career on track. My mom let out a little laugh and said, "Yeah, right. When you meet the right guy, you will be the one begging me to marry you off." Obviously I thought my mom was being nonsensical. I wasn't even a believer of love back then. It's either my mom secretly possess the ability to see the future, or she knows me a little bit too well because as it turned out, what she predicted was right on the dot. Well, I didn't beg, but... you know what I mean.

I don't know what happened, how it happened, but it did. And I couldn't be happier.

My now husband made his intentions of marrying me very clear right from the beginning of our relationship. Of course I thought he was just pulling my strings what with him knowing how big of a commitment-phobe I was at the time. I realized his marriage talks and hints were all serious after he shared them with my mom. Even so, I still remained calm as I knew that that chapter of my life is still a gazillion miles away - especially after my dad had made it clear that marriage is totally out of the picture until both Hafiz and I graduate, and land ourselves stable jobs. However, a few months and an epiphany later, with a 1/2 don't-take-me-seriously, and a 1/2 no-actually-I-am-being-serious face, he nonchalantly suggests that I get married next year (this was sometime in September '13). When I told Hafiz of my dad's sudden and unforeseen suggestion, I could see fireworks going off in that head of his. If he could marry me right then and there, he probably would.

I don't quite remember how I got comfortable with the whole idea of marriage, but it was around the time when my dad asked me the two questions that kept haunting me in the AMs - "Do you see yourself with anyone else? If the answer's no, then why wait if you can do it now?". He has a very good point there right? Why wait and pile on the sins, when you can make it halal and get rewards for even the simplest of acts? And so I agreed - but not after asking both my dad and Hafiz a million and one questions. Who's going to support us financially? Where are we going to live? What about my studies? What am I gonna feed you if I can't cook? But the two of them never fail to assure me that everything will be alright if I just put all my trust in the Almighty. When I gave my dad the thumbs up, I could see that he was having trouble processing it - as if he couldn't believe that his one and only daughter, the rebellious one out of the whole lot, has agreed to settle down. He kept asking me if I was being serious, and/or if I was actually ready. Well, I was serious, but I wasn't sure if I was ready.

Without a doubt, my dad could sense that I wasn't ready. Hence, before anything was proceeded with, my parents and I had a myriad of serious (and slightly awkward) talks. Talks that involved a lot of questions, interrogations, heart-to-hearts, feelings, and tears. Alongside with making sure that I'm making the right decision, they wanted me to know what I'm getting myself into - they explained to me about the side of marriage that are hardly ever portrayed in the movies I watch, and the books I read. After about a whole month of this, my dad decided that it was time for him to have a man-to-man talk with Hafiz.

(To be continued...)

VM Noobie

After three months of scrambling from one window to another, I am finally done with my second internship. Phew. The ninety days of me being a visual merchandising intern was by far the most tiring period of my life. Five pair of hands, twenty-eight stores, seven states -- could I be blamed? With that said however, I did enjoy my short stint working under the well-renowned spanish fashion house. Before I was in fashion school, I didn't know how very much important visual merchandisers are to the industry. I previously thought that the mannequins were handled by the store promoters -- and by handled I mean, the changing of the garments, and only that. Needless to say, I was unaware that the lighting, props, position of the mannequins, are usually meticulously planned by a group of people known as visual merchandisers.

Intrigued by the subject, I had decided to entertain my engrossment by getting some hands-on experience. Truth be told, I had underestimated the workload of a visual merchandiser by a mile despite already knowing what their tasks and duties are. During my time at the company, I had changed nothing less than thirty windows. Every two weeks or so, we will be given dossiers and garment lists by the company's headquarter in Spain, and are expected to change the whole look of the windows according to the two lists. A typical working day for us would sound something like this:-

1. Select garments based on garment list.
2. Iron and/or steam garments to perfection.
3. Untie and undress mannequins.
4. Disable and remove previous window props, flooring, stickers.
5. Assemble new flooring, and props.
6. Dress mannequins, and position them accordingly.
7. Locate and place additional accessories.
8. Apply stickers onto the windows.
9. Prepare price lists for window display.

Believe me, it isn't as easy as it sounds. Especially when you are constantly being pressured by time, and have to change the look of two to three windows by yourself (if you're lucky, with a partner). I didn't expect to be on all fours and get both my hands dirty working as a visual merchandiser -- like I've mentioned before fashion is not all about 'lights, camera and action'. I felt like a contractor, a decorator, a stylist, and more. Did I mention the crazy working hours? The earliest I had to be on the go was at 7.30AM, and the latest I had to stay on was until 1AM. In more ways than one, I did enjoy the job. I liked how I was almost always never in the office, and always on the move from one place to another, traveling from one state to another. I liked how I was able to put my sense of creativity into good use. The job was exhausting, but never boring. The sole reason why I had to turn the company's job offer down was because I couldn't afford to travel so much given my decision to settle down.

Bigger things await, insyaAllah.

Eternal Freedom

Ever since I could remember, it has been a dream of mine to dedicate a portion of my life abroad. With that said, I had always seen my education as my ticket to see the world (or at least a part of it). My pre-pubescent self had spent many hours building castles in the air, visualizing myself in somewhere foreign. An institution that leaves us in awe with it's architectural splendor, old vintage halls with high ceilings, spacious green lawns, etc. I can imagine it all too well -- myself settled on the greens accompanied by a book, the cold wind brushing against my skin and blowing my carefully placed hijab out of place, and surrounding me is the sound of blissful laughter from a myriad of unfamiliar faces. As I grew into my teens, I watched my relatives, one by one leaving the country for another. I was green with jealousy and it took all I had not to squeeze myself into their luggage. The shade of green that engulfed me turned darker as I witnessed my own friends boarding planes en route to the other side of the globe.

"When will it be my turn?"

There were a few occasions when I thought that my turn to leave the motherland had finally arrived, only to be bitterly disappointed soon after. And as time passed, I could feel my dream slowly freeing itself from my grip. Instead of a dream, it had become somewhat of a fantasy. Something simultaneous to me being a mermaid or having the ability to converse with elephants -- impossible and only alive in my mind.

It's not really about furthering my studies abroad, it's more about having a new start. It's about the sense of escape that comes along with it. It's about freedom. But, as I grow older, it dawned on me -- perhaps my 'freedom' is not elsewhere. Perhaps my 'freedom' is right here where I have lived all my life. Perhaps my 'freedom' is doing what I love. Yes, that's it.

Freedom is doing what I love.

I don't need to pack my bags and run from everything and everyone that I am familiar with. What is the point of attaining freedom abroad if it is going to be temporary anyways (degree = three years tops)? Hence, my new dream is to achieve eternal freedom -- doing what I love, when I want to, and how I want to. And who's to say that my work won't land me in another country (/ countries?) in the future? I will make a name for myself and I will be able to see the world. Because if God willing, nothing is impossible. Nothing.

House of Curators

I can't believe I am finally an Advanced Diploma in Fashion Marketing and Management holder. That didn't feel like two years at all... Within the two-year period that I had spent at fashion school, I had managed to get a deeper understanding on how the industry actually works. The tasks and assignments that were given to us had taught me how to efficiently work under pressure, how to communicate with different types of individuals, and how to put my imagination and creativity into good use. To be honest, the past two years had been a journey that was full of trials and tribulations as well as one that required constant striving. The amount of emotional breakdowns that I had... God knows how I survived. But with all that said, I have never regretted my decision to follow my heart. To this day, I feel utterly blessed that I was given the opportunity to study what I consider to be my passion.

And in the end, all it came down to was our Final Major Project (FMP). Predicaments smacked my group and I right in the face from the beginning - hardheaded lecturer, not being able to use our own ideas, fall outs within the group, etc. But with reams of patience, sleepless nights, arguments, and passion, my group and I had successfully come up with a business idea that I am whole-heartedly proud of. You see, our lecturer had rejected every single idea that were presented to him. And the ideas that he had suggested to us were... horrendous, to say the least. During one of the dreadful meetings that we had with him, he had asked us what our personal passions were and suggested that we combine it all into one business idea. And that was how House of Curators was born.

"Formed as a collaborative effort of a team, House of Curators aspires to nourish the local creative spirit by providing homegrown artisans a likeminded curated platform to share the penchant for everything well designed and all else in between. Raising the bar of a brand new retail experience, 'You can buy whatever you see in the store', House of Curators coin the lifestyle concept store that focuses on offering a consistent and carefully selected array of 'exquisite homegrown designs'. 

Located on the slope of Bangsar's Damansara Heights, this bungalow retailer is an elaborately reconfigured homestead, designed to resemble a place of residence, occupied with the whole nine yards of actual objects made purchasable to patron. House of Curators offers an eclectic mix of designers' and timeless collectibles. Expect to find fashion merchandise, home furnishings, collectibles, alongside quirky to pre-loved items, all under one roof."

A little introduction on what House of Curators, my FMP, was all about. I am so fond of the whole concept that we came up with. The idea of gathering like-minded people and allowing them to bond over a mutual passion and/or hobby is just wondrous. What intrigues my interest even further is how the concept store doesn't revolve around making big bucks, but instead concentrates on spreading the talents of many awe-spiring individuals and taking them to a soaring level. My group mates and I had the opportunity to work with many remarkable people during the works of our project -- WhenOurEyesMet, Tengku Syahmi, Pearly Wong, Gyn Ling, Industry, Kedai Bikin, A Retrospective, and etc. Everyone was equally enthusiastic in making House of Curators into a success, thus making the whole thing a joy to work on.

 

To know that the project that you had been devotedly working on for six months and studying for for the past two years had gotten the "Best Group and Visual Merchandising" title is beyond phenomenal. A myriad of feelings had jumbled up in the pit of my stomach the moment it was announced -- happiness, excitement, relief, satisfaction. We were speechless. All we could muster were high-pitched shrieks with a sideline of happy tears while glaring our goofy grins at the flashing cameras. But the best feeling of all is the one I got when my parents said, "I'm so proud of you." Nothing beats that, nothing.

I am now one step closer in making my dreams into a reality.

I Choose Fashion

People who do not have any relations to the fashion industry and/or who regard clothing merely as items that are used to cover their exposed bodies, often have misconceptions about us who are passionate and vehement about fashion. Pursuing such passion into a career is somewhat of a taboo in where I live. 

"Fashion? Hmm, why fashion?"

"Do you think studying fashion would be beneficial for your future?"

"Can you get a job studying that?"

Contrary to popular belief, working in fashion is not as glamorous as the media has painted it to be. It is a highly competitive industry that waits for no one and is a stranger to empathy. To survive in the ever-changing industry, one needs to have a highly ambitious nature and feel a constant need to thrive.

The word 'easy' is not in any fashion school's dictionary, I believe. In my case, as soon as I stepped foot into my school, assignments bombarded me from all directions. Before I delved into the world of fashion, I was a science and business student. It was pretty straight forward back then -- you study, you understand, you remember, you score. In fashion school however, or any art and design course for that matter, your grades and success depend on how well you are able to apply your creativity into your work and think out of the box. And the competition, my goodness.. It's just a never-ending roller coaster ride. To be the top of the class, you have to constantly think of ways to offer something more ingenious than the rest. You don't just compete with your classmates, but you compete with yourself as well. There were times when I felt too overwhelmed to even breathe. However, the feeling of knowing that you aced your subjects after giving your all, is out of this world. A clear result slip makes all the sleepless nights, panic attacks, and breakdowns worth it. It is true that the results you get is a mirrored image of the amount of effort you put into your work.

With all that said, I couldn't have picked a better route. I love how unpredictable the fashion world is. I love how nothing in fashion is impossible. I love how each people involved in fashion has their own unique sense of individuality. I love how subjective fashion is. I love the rush and the excitement that comes along with fashion. I love what I'm doing and I feel utterly blessed that I was given the chance to pursue my passion and what I love. 

Because in the end, the most important thing is that I get to spend the rest of my life doing what I love and enjoy.

2013

Like a snake prowling on its prey, it slithered forward with impeccable subtlety. Taking most of us by surprise with its swiftness. And by the time it is within our acknowledgement, it is too late to act. The time is a slick one, no?

I am relieved that 2012 finally came to an end. It was an atrocious year to say the least – a year which eradicated me emotionally, physically and spiritually. And somewhere within that year, I lost myself and became this soulless character. However, the year 2012 did teach me a lot of things especially regarding trust. Trust no one but yourself. Why? Because the ones who I thought cared the most ended up being the ones to destroy me. After many naïve years of wanting to please everyone, I realized that sacrificing my own happiness for people who only ever prioritized themselves is really not worth it. I refuse to be that person again as my tendencies to put others ahead of me often gets taken for granted and in the end it is me who suffers.

Upon the arrival of this new year, I want nothing more but to bury the myriad of formidable memories and to take control of my own happiness. In regards to that, I have come up with a list of resolutions that may assist me in finding myself again.


2013 Resolution
1.     Learn more about my religion, be closer to God and become a better Muslim.
2.     Cleanse my body, soul and mind from all negative auras.
3.     Be more productive, more creative and think outside of the box.
4.     Constantly surround myself with things and/or people I love.
5.     Improve my longboarding skills and master a manifold of tricks. 

Out with the negative, in with the positive. I hope and pray for a pleasant year.

The Roller Coaster

Life I have learnt is a constant roller coaster ride. Sometimes you are at the peak of the track, body taken over by intense adrenaline rushes, head floating amongst the clouds, and at one point you hear and see nothing but a light blue canvas. You feel calm, free and untouchable -- like a bird. Other times you are upside down, nauseas due to the large amount of blood accumulating in a limited amount of space that is your head, feet awkwardly dangling above your body. You feel terror, helpless and solicitous. 

The mental roller coaster I have been on these past few months has been particularly horrendous to say the least. I find myself yearning to escape. With trembling limbs, I try to free myself from the nightmare but with no avail. "Let me out, let me out!", I screamed but no one seemed to have heard my cries for help. There were times when I felt like jumping off, not giving a thought about the chances of it being my sentence for death. Because honestly, what is the difference? I am a soulless walking matter as it is.

But every time I was on the verge of giving up, a light of hope shines on a part of my body. A light that transfuses energy and will power. So I hold on to the seatbelt ever so tightly, take a deep breath, and continue to brave the unpredictable ride. But it's all just a vicious cycle really. The minute you get comfortable at the structure and speed of the ride, the track shifts into a more atrocious one. And the cycle repeats, repeats and repeats.

However, I believe that there is a vindication for every happening. Maybe I was lost in my own world for too long and this is my call for reality. Maybe I was previously too intoxicated in happiness that God thought I've had enough -- time to give other less fortunate people a chance at it. But the mundane ride does have it's positive side as well. For instance, the dreaded falls and horrible loops have managed to shape me into a somewhat stronger person (or at least I'd like to think so) who is more in control of herself. A person who no longer lets anger and frustration take over her body, soul and mind. A person who no longer does the dreaded with the sole reason of rebelling. 

But the greatest blessing behind all these happenings is that, the hardships that I was forced to go through have made me become closer to God. When life chooses to kick me in the most painful spots, I turn to Him and ask Him for His mercy and blessing. I believe that everything has it's reason and my reason happens to be God and with that, I have become more at peace with my fate. I too believe that He has a better and a brighter plan for me in the future and all that is happening now is to prepare me of what's to come. Patience, strength and faith -- that's all I need.