The Poke Bowl Incident

Here's a kinda, maybe, sorta funny story.

Over the weekend, I was once again down with a fever (screw you weak immunity system!), and was forced to stay in bed for the majority of the forty-eight hours. I hadn't eaten in two days because of a lack of appetite and a thou-shalt-have-no-mercy migraine. During the second day of me being sick, my husband happened to have breakfast plans near this newly opened poke bowl joint that we recently visited. I thought of their spicy salmon and instantly felt my appetite jolt back to life. And so of course I made my husband buy me some. While waiting for him to come back, I was already envisioning myself downing the hearty bowl of fresh and salmon goodness. The whole scene kept replaying in my head like some sort of dramatic over-staged advertisement. Need I remind you that I hadn't eaten in two days?

When my husband was on the way home, he video-called me to keep him company (yeah, we are a little clingy I guess), and after talking about random things, he proudly showed me the brown paper bag that consisted of my lunch. 

"Oh by the way sayang, I didn't know what base you wanted so I just ask for quinoa," he said ever so innocently. 

"YOU. WHAT." I probably looked like I was on the verge of a heart attack.

"Ha why? What's quinoa?!" oh, sweet husband.

"IT'S SOME HEALTHY THINGMAJIG THAT I DON'T EAT." c'mon, who eats that stuff?!

"I thought it was some fancy name for rice!" face palm. 

OMG GUYS SERIOUSLY. I mean I know one of my resolutions for this year is to eat healthier but let's get real - I'm no where near the quinoa stage! I'm not even at the brown rice stage?! I'm as asian as an asian can get, and I need my white rice dude. I honestly thought he was pulling some kind of sick prank on me because he does these kind of things pretty often so a small part of me was still hopeful. But yeah, it wasn't a joke. I don't know if it was because I was tired or just super famished, but I just started bawling when I dug into my poke bowl and saw the quinoa. 

I guess my husband felt bad about the whole ordeal because he went out and got me another bowl - with white rice this time.

".... who's gonna eat that?" I had already finished the first bowl (with leftover rice from the previous day) by then.

"I'll share with you okay?" okay. 

He ate half of it and kept the other half for me in the fridge.

As I was about to dig in on whats left of the poke bowl the next day, it turned out that my husband had accidentally finished all the salmon.

...........

Sigh, men. Can't live with them, can't live without them.

Kindness

Duck scarf

Monokerom hi-lo shirt

FV Basics culottes

H&M glitter socks

Vans sneakers

____

I've been feeling awfully uninspired, demotivated, and all things simultaneous to the two as of late. More often that I'd like, I find myself questioning my abilities at being my own boss, and having my own brand. It's hard to not feel defeated when you have to go through an endless parade of problems and delays - especially when you are a one man show. My husband keeps reminding me that a fundamental ingredient of success is perseverance, and even though I already know that, I often let it slip my mind. 

But! My mood was instantly and magically lifted when I recently and unexpectedly received compliments from two unrelated individuals about my work and what I have produced so far. That's all it took for me to escape the self-pitying limbo I was stuck in, and to recharge my creative batteries. To know that someone appreciates and actually likes what I produce just feels so infinitely gratifying. So much so that it gave me a warm, expansive feeling in my chest, and made all my previous worries seem somewhat petty. I know it may not seem much to some people - I mean it's just compliments right? Not an offer of a slot at London Fashion Week. But to people who's starting from the bottom like me, it means a massive deal. 

So this is a reminder to myself, and to anyone who reads this (probably just my husband aka my #1 fan...), if you have the chance to say something nice to someone, say it. If you have the chance to do something nice for someone, do it. Why? Because random acts of kindness, and good deeds, even the simplest act of saying gracious things to someone, can go a long way. In my case, it saved me from a possible nervous breakdown. Think about it - how great is it that we hold the capacity to make someone else's entire day?

With regards to recent events, we've all seen how one rotten apple can spoil the barrel. But can one person acting nobly spread goodness in the world? Yes, I'm pretty confident that it works both ways! Kindness is like a chain reaction, I feel. Experiencing, seeing, or even reading about others' compassion and benevolence will not only trigger warm and positive feelings within us, but it would also most likely increase the prospect of us doing good deeds of our own. And it doesn't take extraordinary heroics either. Simple human kindness is enough to open the hearts of people, and inspire us to treat others with empathy and grace. 

So practice kindness, promote kindness, experience kindness. The world we live in now has more than enough hate as it is. 

Mommy Mode: Off, Daddy Mode: On

I had a one-day job yesterday, and of course had to leave my son at home. It had been awhile since I had left him for more than three hours - the last time probably being our Indonesia trip back in May. Being away from him for the whole day reminded me of my days as a working mother. Just like I did back then, I was repetitively requesting for pictures and updates of Mikabear yesterday.

"What's Mikabear doing?"
"Has he eaten?"

"Does he miss me?!"

"Pictures please!!!"

At one point of the day, I thought to myself, "Good God, you are such a mom!". Not that it's a bad thing of course. It's just kind of funny and unexpected of me - if only my nineteen year old rebellious self could see me now!

The initial plan was to leave Mikabear in the care of my mom, but my husband had a change of plans and came back from a work trip earlier than expected. He had been away for awhile so me working gave my two boys a chance at catching up, and spending some good quality father and son time together. It was my husband's first time heading out with Mikabear alone, and knowing how much of a handful my son can be, I was legit nervous for him! But both of them survived the day without as much as a scratch. Mikabear had an ice cream all to himself, spent a century building a Lego tower at Hamley's, went on those coin-operated rides he likes so much, and even got a pair of new shoes! The kid probably had the time of his life. And as for my husband, I think he now understands what I mean when I say that Mikabear is in the 'terrible two' phase. 

Even though I missed my son wholeheartedly, having a day off from mommy duties, and being around people my age for a change was invigorating for both my mind and soul. It honestly felt like a vacation, ha-ha. Perhaps I should look for freelance jobs more often?

My Embah

Four days ago, I lost someone very dear to me. I lost my beloved grandfather whom I call Embah.

A mere half an hour before he passed away, I was on a video call with my mom who was by my grandfather's side, and all was still merry. As I was washing myself and my son up for bed, my brother came into my room with the words, "Mama just called. I think Embah dah takda."

What does he mean by he thinks Embah is no longer here? Does that mean that there is a chance that the dreaded is not true? Does that mean that they could be wrong about the whole ordeal? I had so many unanswered questions popping up in my head, but I just couldn't muster the words out. I changed into the first thing I saw, clumsily packed Mikabear's bag, and headed straight to my grandparents' house with my brothers. We rode in the car in what seemed like absolute silence, the only noise that could be heard came from the radio. Everyone was in a state of disbelief. I on the other hand was clinging on to a thread of hope. But now that I come to think of it, it was probably just me being in denial.

As we entered my grandparents' house, my uncle and cousin could be seen lifting up furnitures and rolling out carpets in preparation of the funeral. I could hear my other uncle reciting the yasin in my grandparents' room. No, it can't be true. But as soon as I laid eyes on my grandfather, the reality of it all had struck me, and it had stuck me hard. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to think. I couldn't even look at anyone in the eye. Oh, my dear Embah...

My grandfather is the definition of an old school gentleman. It isn't because of what he did or what he wore, it was because of how he behaved and who he was as a person. It was what was within him that made him a true gentleman. My grandfather was always considerate and well-mannered towards the people around him - he was almost never without a smile across his face. He possessed a great thirst for knowledge, and often strived and pushed boundaries to acquire the thing that he took so much pride in. He never paraded his success and/or good fortune, but always made sure of a good reputation. My grandfather was a simple and understated man, but yet his presence exuded a certain aura that made you just know that there was something special about him. I wonder if he ever realised how much he inspired and enriched the lives of many by simply being himself.

Dear Embah,

All that's left now are the memories I have of you. Memories of you sharing your favorite coffee-flavored candy with me. Memories of you spending countless hours at your study table. Memories of you proudly telling us of your days in Ireland. Memories of you driving your handsome red BMW. Memories of me being so intrigued by the sight and sound of you praying. And ultimately, memories of you calling me your girl. 

The last memory I have of you is you asking me to hold your hand, and I am so thankful that I got to do so during your last few days with us. I am also thankful that Mikabear, or Ciko as you liked to call him, got to meet his Tok Nyang. Although he may not remember much about you years from now, I promise to tell him stories about his Tok Nyang and how great of a man he was. 

I wish I hadn't taken the time I had with you for granted. But it is a little too late for regrets now isn't it? I will always love you, and I will always look up to you. May God forgive all your sins, and place you in the highest of his heavens.

With love,
Your one and only grand daughter