The Roller Coaster

Life I have learnt is a constant roller coaster ride. Sometimes you are at the peak of the track, body taken over by intense adrenaline rushes, head floating amongst the clouds, and at one point you hear and see nothing but a light blue canvas. You feel calm, free and untouchable -- like a bird. Other times you are upside down, nauseas due to the large amount of blood accumulating in a limited amount of space that is your head, feet awkwardly dangling above your body. You feel terror, helpless and solicitous. 

The mental roller coaster I have been on these past few months has been particularly horrendous to say the least. I find myself yearning to escape. With trembling limbs, I try to free myself from the nightmare but with no avail. "Let me out, let me out!", I screamed but no one seemed to have heard my cries for help. There were times when I felt like jumping off, not giving a thought about the chances of it being my sentence for death. Because honestly, what is the difference? I am a soulless walking matter as it is.

But every time I was on the verge of giving up, a light of hope shines on a part of my body. A light that transfuses energy and will power. So I hold on to the seatbelt ever so tightly, take a deep breath, and continue to brave the unpredictable ride. But it's all just a vicious cycle really. The minute you get comfortable at the structure and speed of the ride, the track shifts into a more atrocious one. And the cycle repeats, repeats and repeats.

However, I believe that there is a vindication for every happening. Maybe I was lost in my own world for too long and this is my call for reality. Maybe I was previously too intoxicated in happiness that God thought I've had enough -- time to give other less fortunate people a chance at it. But the mundane ride does have it's positive side as well. For instance, the dreaded falls and horrible loops have managed to shape me into a somewhat stronger person (or at least I'd like to think so) who is more in control of herself. A person who no longer lets anger and frustration take over her body, soul and mind. A person who no longer does the dreaded with the sole reason of rebelling. 

But the greatest blessing behind all these happenings is that, the hardships that I was forced to go through have made me become closer to God. When life chooses to kick me in the most painful spots, I turn to Him and ask Him for His mercy and blessing. I believe that everything has it's reason and my reason happens to be God and with that, I have become more at peace with my fate. I too believe that He has a better and a brighter plan for me in the future and all that is happening now is to prepare me of what's to come. Patience, strength and faith -- that's all I need.