Get It Together!

The blood that flows through these blue veins is pumped violently to the ticker, disrupting the number of times I inhale and exhale the air, making my head a scene of a horrendous explosion -- this happens every time you execute one of your unforeseen plans. You and your never-ending string of surprises never cease to tug the strings of my heart.

My second daisy from my favorite person

Received my results for the previous semester and I can't say that I am pleased. Aced the subject that I was most anxious about and got Bs for the ones that didn't cause me to have panic attacks whenever thoughts of it idly cross my mind. I-freaking-ronic. However I choose to take it positively. I choose to take it as a sign for me to work harder for the remaining semesters that are left of my diploma. I have to find a way to intensify the passion that lives within me in order to actualize the rarest of my rarest dreams. I have to breathe, eat, sleep, and shit work/school. I sure hope this little motivational entry won't end up as another worthless self pep-talk. Get your shit together -- yes, I'm still talking to you, Sunny.

However so, the current semester has somewhat made me less enthusiastic about what I do. Other than History of Costume, it is impossible to put my heart into the work that I'm required to complete. It's like business school all over again -- I do it just for the sake of doing and not for myself. That, needs to end.

I was assigned with a bubbly and philosophical stranger on one of my assignments -- the most fascinating assignment of the semester I would say. We were asked to come up with a blog that is inspired by the ancient period(s). The two of us had decided on focusing on our favorite period, Ancient Greece. And with that, we had created a lifestyle blog -- whatthegreek.blogspot.com -- that features fashion (of course), food, events, DIYs, accompanied by Greek myths. I was jubilant with the end result of the blog assignment. And I hope to God that the presentation was satisfactory in the eyes of my Russian lecturer. She always puts on a nonchalant character and expression during presentations which makes predicting her train of thoughts improbable.

All those research that have been made regarding Ancient Greece has left me obsessed with Greek mythologies and philosophies. And it has too increased my desire to step foot on the land of the Greeks.

"If you want to create something different and unique, you have to invent something." - Ms Agne

Charlie, The Yellow Elephant

After being burdened by the unwanted and carrying the weight of the world and the other remaining planets on my bony shoulders, my thoughtful half had surprised me and took me to the place where we had once gone for one of our first few dates as a couple. The place where I could feel myself slowly slipping into love with the guy who cooked me spaghetti for our little picnic.

The Layang-Layang Park was close to being deserted the last time we were there but this time it was the total opposite. Families, drunken lovebirds and innocent children swamped the greenery and filled it with merriment and laughter. The sky was a panorama of colors what with the myriad of kites floating against the pure white clouds. Bliss.

"Impossible!" I thought when my boyfriend asked me to pick a kite. There were so many to choose from -- different shapes, different sizes, different colors. How does one choose? .. Until my eye caught sight of an enormous yellow elephant kite. Without giving it a second thought, we invested our money in Charlie (yes, we named it of course). The overwhelming crowd however made it difficult for our kite to remain up in the sky. But such satisfaction we felt when Charlie swayed with his other colorful friends even if it lasted a millisecond.

Enervated by all the running and the excruciating heat from the sun, we went to a familiar spot overlooking the lake and relished our ice-cream and popsicle eagerly. 

A slow walk had led us to the tower we had once witnessed the sun set. Missing such empyrean beauty would be an atrocity. With tangled limbs, we waited and did what we do best -- talk. Past, present, future, the real and the unreal. Everything. My heart was at a state of confusion. Sometimes it beat ever so rapidly due to the presence of the one I love and other times I hardly felt it beating, content with the serenity of my surroundings. Just like how I like it -- you, me and nothing else.

Milk + Honey Autumn 2012 Lookbook

I am utterly in love with every single piece of clothing from the "Milk + Honey" Autumn 2012 Lookbook! The Australian based label does the effortless yet chic look ever so brilliantly. From the choice of colors and fabric (I personally favor wool.), over-sized tops, the different styles of layering to the combination of socks with heels. Their choice of model -- Rachel Rutt; is too right on the spot as she is in fact, one of my favorite models of the current time. If only I didn't live in a country that experiences Summer all year round.

You

I can feel the interminable thoughts that has taken over my mind brutally killing my brain cells – slashing them with a freshly sharpened knife, stomping on them with a pair of heavy army boots, and feasting on them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I can almost see the lights of the machineries in my brain switching off and malfunctioning one at a time. What happens when my brain fully shuts down? Do I go insane? Am I already insane?

I find myself being stuck in this all too familiar cloud of thought more than I desire as of late. It is as though I am on autopilot – like a puppet being controlled by an upper authority. My emotions have been pushed to the furthest and the darkest section of my brain, something that I have done infinite times in the years that I have lived. However, this time I have something to hold on to and to keep me emotionally alive.

Whenever I feel myself on the brink of a relapse, I think of you and our collection of transcendent memories. How it feels as though we’re the only two beings in existence when we’re together. Whenever I reminisce about the countless adventures we’ve had, I find myself grinning goofily and having intense urges to break out into fits of hysterical laughter. I browse through our photographs that reek of love and happiness and they remind me of how much I treasure you, how much I treasure us. Intermittently, I too read and reread your old texts to feel the warmth that you and only you can make me feel.

This one being one of my absolute favourites – “All I want is to do is to make you smile, to make you laugh, to make your pupils dilute, to make you feel butterflies in your stomach, to make you feel funny inside and lame on the outside, to always make you feel beautiful and not a second doubt how beautiful you are, to make you feel loved like no other, to make you love me like you’ve never loved anyone before, to be silly with you all the time so that you will feel that I’m sillier than you, and to just make you feel happy and good about yourself.”

You make me feel all the above and more.    

How does one person with one mind, one soul and one heart handle a myriad of different feelings at one time? How do I choose which one to feel and/or to react to? I feel happy. I feel imprisoned. I feel joy. I feel trapped. I feel contentment. I feel suffocated. I feel I feel and I feel.

What I want is to give myself a physical overhaul – get my hair drastically cut and bleach it white, get contact lenses that doesn’t match the tone of my skin, lose/gain a large sum of weight; exchange my name for one that people have trouble pronouncing, wear black clothing 24/7 and embark to a foreign country far from my mainland.

I want to live by the beach and wake up to the sound of the colliding waves and the salty scent of the air. I want to live in a cramped up apartment and be caught in the city clamor. I want to be a bird and not stop flying until my wings get sore. I want to be a robot and not feel anything.

I want to escape and disappear.

Youth At It's Worst

How did the simple act of getting together with my mates become so arduous? Our contrasting schedules and lifestyles have somewhat managed to develop a profound division between us. With that said, I had miraculously managed to catch up with two different circles of friends over delectable dinners in the past week. I believe it is impossible to express how ecstatic I was to be around those familiar faces again. We reminisced about our past, caught up from A to Z and laughed about things that other people wouldn’t even understand. Amidst one of our many talks, we had come to realize how bland our current lives are. We realized that we’ve become (gulp) boring and old. So a particular friend and I had vowed that we would try harder in making the most of our youth while it still lasts. Let’s hope this resolution won’t be amongst the other forgotten and ignored ones.

I remember expressing my excitement of the commencement of my classes in my previous post. However, after being aware of the subjects that I have for this semester – Human Resources Management, Applied Research & Communication Skills and Textiles – my level of excitement has decreased by 60%. And so I thought to myself, Textiles should be really interesting. I became further intrigued on the subject as we were told that we would have a new and experienced lecturer teaching us. Until the mentioned Japanese lecturer said, “I have to be honest with you, I’m not familiar with the subject and I’m actually learning with you as I’m teaching you.” Those might not be her exact words but you get the gist. Our first Textiles class was frustrating to say the least. Therefore, my classmates and I had applied to drop the subject for this semester and take another. Instead of Textiles, we would be learning History of Fashion which will be taught by a gorgeous Russian lecturer who dons a bleached pixie haircut.

My favorite flower from my favorite person

I had another marvellous weekend which was of course spent with my beau. Movie night – one of mythical Gods and another of an outcast chap, plus an evening rendezvous in the city. I love how spontaneous we are when it comes to spending our days together. No, scratch that, I love how spontaneous he is. Our evening in the city felt like Singapore all over again – walking in an unfamiliar territory, overpriced food and hookah, unexpected gifts.. We too got to indulge at our favorite milkshake parlour which was the icing on the cake for my already splendid day.

Oh, and I got my new car and it is in my favorite color! Can't wait to take it on a long cruise with music that is able to take me to places that my car can't on high volume.