I can feel the interminable thoughts that has taken over my
mind brutally killing my brain cells – slashing them with a freshly sharpened knife, stomping on them with a pair of heavy army boots, and
feasting on them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I can almost see the lights
of the machineries in my brain switching off and malfunctioning one at a time.
What happens when my brain fully shuts down? Do I go insane? Am I already
insane?
I find myself being stuck in this all too familiar cloud of thought more than I desire as of late. It is as though I am on autopilot – like a puppet being controlled by an upper authority. My emotions have been pushed to the furthest and the darkest section of my brain, something that I have done infinite times in the years that I have lived. However, this time I have something to hold on to and to keep me emotionally alive.
Whenever I feel myself on the brink of a relapse, I think of you and our collection of transcendent memories. How it feels as though we’re the only two beings in existence when we’re together. Whenever I reminisce about the countless adventures we’ve had, I find myself grinning goofily and having intense urges to break out into fits of hysterical laughter. I browse through our photographs that reek of love and happiness and they remind me of how much I treasure you, how much I treasure us. Intermittently, I too read and reread your old texts to feel the warmth that you and only you can make me feel.
This one being one of my absolute favourites – “All I want is to do is to make you smile, to make you laugh, to make your pupils dilute, to make you feel butterflies in your stomach, to make you feel funny inside and lame on the outside, to always make you feel beautiful and not a second doubt how beautiful you are, to make you feel loved like no other, to make you love me like you’ve never loved anyone before, to be silly with you all the time so that you will feel that I’m sillier than you, and to just make you feel happy and good about yourself.”
You make me feel all the above and more.
I find myself being stuck in this all too familiar cloud of thought more than I desire as of late. It is as though I am on autopilot – like a puppet being controlled by an upper authority. My emotions have been pushed to the furthest and the darkest section of my brain, something that I have done infinite times in the years that I have lived. However, this time I have something to hold on to and to keep me emotionally alive.
Whenever I feel myself on the brink of a relapse, I think of you and our collection of transcendent memories. How it feels as though we’re the only two beings in existence when we’re together. Whenever I reminisce about the countless adventures we’ve had, I find myself grinning goofily and having intense urges to break out into fits of hysterical laughter. I browse through our photographs that reek of love and happiness and they remind me of how much I treasure you, how much I treasure us. Intermittently, I too read and reread your old texts to feel the warmth that you and only you can make me feel.
This one being one of my absolute favourites – “All I want is to do is to make you smile, to make you laugh, to make your pupils dilute, to make you feel butterflies in your stomach, to make you feel funny inside and lame on the outside, to always make you feel beautiful and not a second doubt how beautiful you are, to make you feel loved like no other, to make you love me like you’ve never loved anyone before, to be silly with you all the time so that you will feel that I’m sillier than you, and to just make you feel happy and good about yourself.”
You make me feel all the above and more.
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