My Labor Story (Part III)

5.00PM - ARRGGHHH. Pain level - 1049348329394. My contractions were more frequent now, and every time one comes, I would be shaking in pain. "The baby must be coming soon.", I thought to myself. The doctor came in once again to check my dilation. Yes, this could be it. Yes. Yes.

Five centimeters. You've got to be kidding me.

I was puzzled. Dumbfounded. Dismayed. More than anything, I was speechless. My journey was no where near the end, and I could hardly withstand the pain any longer. When the doctor went out, I started to cry. I wanted the pain to end so badly, but at the same time I wanted to proof that I can be strong like all the other moms, and have a drug-free natural birth. And, so I continue to toughen it out. Hafiz and my mom tried their best to keep me sane and calm.

6.00PM - The pain was getting stronger, and stronger, and it left me feeling like a month-old mushy and rotten vegetable. My cheeks were stained with my tears, and my hands were sore from gripping on to the handles of my bed. In the end, my mom and husband had manage to persuade me to take the epidural. Honestly, I was disappointed with myself because of that, but I just couldn't handle the pain any longer. My fear of needles disappeared that evening - I just wanted to be free of the pain of my contractions. Within a few minutes of having a needle stuck into my spine, I felt relieved of the pain that had been aggravating me for the past few hours. I couldn't help but to think - "Why didn't I take the epidural sooner?!". I was in and out of slumber after that.

7.30PM - I felt a sense of joy watching the levels of my contractions on the machine going sky high, but here I am barely feeling anything. Dilation - six centimeters. This boy of mine is really taking his time. "By the looks of it, the baby could either come tonight or tomorrow. We'll see which one he chooses." said my doctor. Any nervousness I had of giving birth was gone by now. I was basically too tired to feel anything at this point. My temperature still hadn't subside despite already being given medication, so the nurses had to add a dose of antibiotics into my already drugged self. Mom told me that my dad and brothers are in the waiting room rooting for me, and that made me feel so much joy.

My fever was really draining my energy. I wasn't exactly allowed to have heavy meals, hence I survived on dates and Ribena.

9.00PM - Seven centimeters. The nurse had to insert a tube in my lady parts to empty my bladder. It was the longest and awkwardest thirty seconds of my life. Need I remind you that both my mom and husband were there in the room which meaaaans they could hear every drop of pee being drained out of my body. Awkward is an understatement, actually. Mom, Hafiz, and I were getting really restless and tired. Bless the two - despite so, they never left my side even for a second.

And again, we wait. Will this baby ever come out?!

10.30PM - Eight centimeters - woohoo! My doctor proceeded to manually break my water. I didn't feel any pain when this was done. It was more of a pressure-like sensation. Even though I was already on epidural, I started to feel the strain of my contractions again. Checked my contraction levels, and it was shooting upwards. No wonder. "The baby should be out in no time. Get yourself ready, I'll see you in a bit ya?", said my doctor joyfully. How do I get myself ready to have a baby come out of my vagina?! Deep breaths, fuh fuh. Mom continued giving me back rubs to ease the pain, whilst Hafiz tried to reenergize me with more dates and Ribena. Honestly, the fact that my life was going to go through a 180 degrees change after tonight hadn't really sunk in. Heck, I hadn't fully digested that I was carrying a baby inside me to begin with.

So so tired, and so so ready to push.

11.30PM - "OK Iman, you're ready to go!", said my doctor whilst putting on her rubber gloves. Wait, what?! And suddenly things were moving almost too rapidly - everyone was moving faster, talking faster, everything faster. The nurses had propped my legs up, and I abruptly felt the need to push. There were about eight people other than myself in the labor room at this moment. Eight people were going to see me give birth. Eight people were going to have front row seats to watch my baby come out of my lady parts. To be honest, I was more nervous about having various people see my hoo-haa more than I was about actually giving birth. But when the time came, I didn't give it a second thought. My mom, my husband, and the nurses were like my personal cheerleaders - enthusiastically cheering on every single time I pushed.

"Push, push, yes, push!"
"Just a little bit more, sayang!"
"Yes, that's the way, good girl!"
"Puuuuuuush. You can do it!"

What was going on in my head the whole time? "Don't lift up your butt, don't lift up your butt..". A few people had advised me not to do so if I didn't want my vagina to be torn all the way to my anus. Of course I didn't want that, hence the chant.

I pushed about six times before the doctor said, "I can see the head now. Just a few more pushes!". My husband was the most zealous one in the room which was quite surprising as he doesn't handle blood and all things gory too well. He was walking back and forth, from standing next to me to trying to get a good look at his son. I kept hearing him say, "I see him! I see him!" and "This is so amazing!".

11.45PM - I had to push three more times before I finally heard my baby's cry. The feeling of hearing my baby's voice for the first time was profoundly surreal. The only thing more beautiful than that was seeing my baby for the first time. And when they first put him into my arms for body-to-body contact... /cries. I am tearing up just thinking about it. I couldn't stop thanking Allah for this graceful miracle. After the short time I had to welcome my son into the world, the nurses took him once again to get him cleaned up. My mom and husband followed the baby wherever he went. I on the other hand had to continue my battle, and push my placenta out. Unlike the baby, the placenta only required a single push. The doctor then proceeded to stitch me up. Despite feeling rather numb down there, I could feel the needle going in and out of my lady parts. And there I find myself thanking the person who invented epidural. My ever calm doctor seemed to be enjoying herself though - taking her time to gently stitch me up. She kind of looked like she was knitting a sweater.

My husband came back soon after, and I've never seen him look happier. His eyes were glowing and he had this massive smile plastered across his face. He couldn't stop talking about our son. One of the nurses then came in with our bundle of joy all wrapped up like a little eskimo. He was sucking on his thumb when the nurse gave him to me, hence she suggested that I try feeding him. The little genius instantly knew what to do, masyaAllah.

It's funny really, I thought I knew all there is to know about love and/or loving another person, but then I had a child - and I realized that I didn't know anything about love. I had underestimated how great and infinite one's love to another can be. My son redefined the meaning of love for me.

So that is it. That is my labor story.

My Labor Story (Part II)

11.15AM - My doctor arrived - finally a familiar face. After a brief exchange of pleasantries, she got right down to business - in other words, checking my dilation. Again, I spread my legs unwillingly (/cringe). Three centimeters.

"Two centimeters within thirty minutes, that's quite fast huh? There's quite a lot of blood too. I think we should just admit you lah ya? How far apart are your contractions?" Doctor.

"Wow, that is fast. They're very inconsistent actually. They come and go as they please. Is it normal for me to be bleeding so much? Or should I be worried?" Me.

"Oh yes, it's totally normal. You just rest, and I'll come and check on you in a few hours okay? Are you thinking of anything right now? Anything to ease the pain?" Doctor.

"No, not just yet." Me.

Well, there goes my food fiesta. Hafiz offered to go out and get me food, but the thought of being left alone in the labor room horrifies the bejeezus out of me. Nonetheless, he still had to leave me by myself for a bit to settle the registration and admittance processes. Whilst he was away, I had to answer a myriad of questions, and fill in numerous amounts of forms - all that whilst having to endure the agony of my contractions. The nurses had also briefed me on the different types of pain relief - Entonox (gas), Meptid, and of course the infamous Epidural. My thoughts on pain relief - Entonox? Yes. Meptid? Perhaps. Epidural? Hmm, maaaaybe. Like most mommies, I wanted my first labor to be as natural as possible, hence I didn't give much thought on pain relief, but I didn't dismiss the subject entirely either.

11.45AM - Pain level: 5. My support system (aka mom) arrived. Lucky for me, the hospital allows both my husband and my mom to be in the labor room. I can't imagine going through my labor without either of the two. My husband came back not too long after that, and the three of us had lunch together in the room. I was still able to talk, Whatsapp my friends, and laugh at my own jokes at this point. "This isn't so bad. Nothing I can't handle. Maybe people were just exaggerating the pain..", I thought to myself. Well, ha-ha the joke was definitely on me.

Time moved inordinately slow after this point.

2.00PM - Pain level: 7. The pain was getting more and more profound by the minute. I was pretty much dependent on Entonox by now - which actually serves more as a distraction rather than pain relief, to be honest. I could feel my energy slowly creeping out of my body. My dilation was checked yet again - five centimeters. "OK, just five more to go, shouldn't take that long right? Keep the Ribena coming." Mom insisted that I take a nap, but how could I? So. Much. Pain. My attempts at taking my mind of the pain included listening to verses from the Quran, playing endless levels of Candy Crush, and reminiscing and daydreaming about my days at Lombok.

It wasn't long before I couldn't do anything, but stay curled up in a fetal position. Mom and Hafiz took turns at giving me back rubs.

3.30PM - Pain level: 9. I was experiencing cold sweats by now. It felt as though someone was forcefully extracting the bones of my spine one at a time, whilst persistently slashing my uterus with a samurai sword. The pain is real - very, very real. With that said however, I was still trying to abstain myself from succumbing to other forms of pain relief other than Entonox. I kept telling myself that it will all be over before I know it, and I just had to brave through the pain a while longer. One of the nurses had come in to do the routine check up and found that my temperature had spiked up to 39 degrees. Yikes. Concerned that it would affect my energy levels, the nurses were advised to give me fever medicine via an IV tube. Anyone who knows me may know of my tremendous fear of needles. Despite already experiencing severe contractions (like what could be more painful than that, right?!), I was still freaking out about having a needle in my hand. In the end, I think I handled it relatively well (/pats self on the back).

"Just a little bit more. I can do this.", I kept telling myself.

(To be continued...)

My Labor Story (Part I)

Growing up, I dreamt to be many things, but being a young mother was never one of them. But now that I am one, my beautiful baby boy feels like a dream come true. Weird how God works - blessing me with something that I didn't even know I wanted and/or needed. So this is me reliving one of the best days of my life. This is my labor story.

Friday, 15th May 2015

Hafiz and I had planned to go to the baby fair that was happening during the weekend weeks beforehand. We still had a couple of things that we needed to buy before we welcome our little one. As a matter of fact, our weekend was revolved around preparing for the arrival of our baby. Besides attending the baby fair, we had also planned to rearrange and/or spring clean our mess of a room to make space for the little guy. Weekends are the only time where we can actually get things done due to our full-time jobs, thus the forty-eight hours we have at the end of every week is eminently crucial. There was basically so much to do in so little time. But that week in particular, I had requested to be excluded from work on Monday so that I can get more things done. Before we said our goodnights, we had gone through our things-to-buy list together - carseat, diapers, bathtub, carrier... amongst other things. I had also texted a friend to confirm our lunch plans for the following day. With fluffed pillows, alarms set, and lights turned off, we cuddled to sleep.

Saturday, 16th May 2015
6.30AM - I was woken up by an intense pain in my abdomen and lower back. It was my first time feeling that kind of pain throughout my whole pregnancy, but I was only 36 weeks pregnant then, hence I didn't think much of it. Besides, it was just like one of my bad period pain days. "Perhaps this is what they call Braxton Hicks...", I thought to myself. Performed my Fajr prayers, and went back to bed in hopes that the pain will go away when I wake up.

9.30AM - Hafiz woke me up, and asked me if I still wanted to go to the baby fair. Half asleep and in pain, I dragged myself to the toilet.

"Mm, sayang? I don't think we can go to the baby fair." Me.
"Huh? Why?" Hafiz.
"I'm bleeding." Me.
"What?! Banyak ke?!" Hafiz.
"Quite lah. Can you help me call Azi (my gynae's asisstant), and ask her what we should do." Me.
"OK, OK." Hafiz.

I took my time in the shower - not really feeling anything. It was only when Hafiz told me that he was asked to bring me straight to the labor department, that I started feeling rather apprehensive. I immediately texted my mom to let her know what was happening. Thank goodness I had listened to her, and had packed my hospital bag way beforehand. After I had gotten myself ready, I sat on the bed, and watched my husband pace back and forth across our room while gathering his things. Surprisingly, he was more anxious than I was. After he was done packing, we looked at each other and just hugged in silence. I remember it so clearly because I think it was at that moment that we realized that our lives were going to go through a major transition after this trip to the hospital. We stayed that way for awhile.

10.30AM - On the way to the hospital, we made a pit stop at the petrol station to get some snacks - Ribena (seriously guys, this was my #1 energy booster), candies, buns, etc. Another occurrence to prove that my husband was more nervous than I was was that he had suddenly forgotten the way to the hospital despite him always accompanying me to my monthly prenatal check-ups. That made me forget about the pain I was feeling for a little while.

We reached the hospital, and I insisted that I walk from the parking lot together with my husband instead of him dropping me off at the lobby. As instructed, we went straight to the labor department. A nurse had then led us into a room, and asked us to wait in there until someone comes to assist us. The room was huge - bigger than any hospital rooms I've ever been in. There's a bed, a toilet, a couch, a couple of chairs, oh cool - there's even an extra sink... Hey, what's this spotlight for? That's odd - why is there a table of apparatuses over there? Wait a minute...

"IS THIS THE ROOM THAT I'M GONNA GIVE BIRTH IN?!" Cue panic attack.

A few minutes later, a nurse came in and said that she wanted to check how far dilated I was. I remember having a conversation with my colleagues in which one of them told us that doctors and/or nurses have to insert their fingers inside your lady parts in order to check your dilation (/gulp). I gave Hafiz a look that probably reeked of terror, and he immediately held my hand.

"Hmm, I can't seem to find your cervix. Hold on just a sec." And she walks out.

"What does she mean she can't find my cervix?! Did you see the amount of blood she had on her gloves?!" Obviously I was freaking out. Hafiz tried his best to reassure me that everything was going to be fine. The nurse came back with a superior and she too proceeded to check my dilation. Yikes, here we go again. One centimeter. Still a long way to go, she said. In the mean time, the nurse suggested that I go out and have a feast because in her words, "It'll be a while till you get to eat good food again". But before she could let me go off on my food run, we had to wait for my doctor to come and check me up.

Yumm, salmon sashimi...

(To be continued...)